Author: Kenny Bendis
Published articles: 9
This is a factual account of last year’s Saint Patrick’s Day celebration. It all centered on lots of alcohol, a city-wide pub crawl, and my goal to wear different funny Irish t-shirts every hour of the evening. This is a valiant tale of a valiant young man whom most likely did not realize the depth of the errors he would make later that evening. He may of ended as a villain, but he began the evening with the heart of a hero.
Not to sound like an old man, but where in the heck did these kids come from? Have you ever stepped out of your house, looked around, and thought you were being invaded by time travelers from the distant future? Every young person I see has their nose buried in some expensive gadget and wearing a cool t-shirt that looks way more amazing than anything I ever owned.
When people plug themselves into their computer for eight hours straight to manually crunch numbers and process meaningless information as data, their mind starts melting and trickling out of their ears. It takes entertainment that is relevant to them to bring their minds into focus, and funny Internet radio is where they turn to for this noble purpose. Each year, Internet radio and podcast listenership rises while terrestrial radio attendance drops.
Conservative political t-shirts have had a big impact on the way people support their political party in the last few years. More and more people are using them at rallies, on videos found on the Internet, and in their personal lives.
I get asked, “Are you okay?” by quite a few people everyday. It may be due to the crazy t-shirts I wear, or it could be due to the fact that I am constantly on the hunt for delicious unicorn brains. I eat people brains too, but unicorn brains are second only to Cyclops eye in terms of a delicate finish on the palate. Simply delicious fare for a discriminating psychopath.
It’s not hard to see why the custom t-shirt trend is getting wildly popular these days. People love having control over what they wear, and there’s not much that competes with a process that let’s the buyer put whatever slogan or phrase they wish on their shirt. This takes the power out of the hands of the professional fashion designer, and directly into the hands of the customer.
There is no denying that funny t-shirts are becoming madly popular. I don’t know a single person in my social circle who doesn’t have at least one, and all of them are different. The idea behind the funny t-shirt is to find one that no one has seen before. That way, the joke is fresh and new to everyone who sees it.
Guns have a sway in America unlike anywhere else in the world. The reason that other countries see Americans as gun-crazed maniacs is because of all of the negative experiences those countries have had with guns. From the Third Reich all the way to African warlords, countries around the world have seen guns only in the hands of oppressors and madmen. Here in America, though, guns have been all about freedom and the preservation of our American rights. It is no wonder we’re seeing cool gun t-shirts popping up everywhere.
Does no one realize that Charlie Sheen needs help, perhaps even of a medical nature? The man is acting deranged. He has made public declarations of drug use on national news outlets. He babbles in an inane stream of consciousness. He refuses to admit that he may have a mental disorder and he looks like he has not slept in days. Any one of these strange behaviors should indicate that the man needs help, but instead the whole world has pinpointed him as our new capering clown. Our only response is to walk around in funny Charlie Sheen t-shirts and laugh.